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Track 10. Denomination Blues

I was walking down the road, I passed half a dozen churches
People looking out like rabbits from their hutches
Everyone was saying 'do it the way we do it'
I say you only judge a tree when you get to taste its fruit

And that's all you've got to do
But if you ain't got Jesus, there's just the Denomination Blues

If you become a Baptist and you do not toe the line
They hold you underneath the water for rather a long time
They make you say the creed before they'll pull the plug
I only got as far as 'I believe... (glug)
and that's all that I could do..

Methodists are electrical, so I have been informed
John Wesley plugged into a circuit, and he got strangely warmed..
But something's cooling down and today it's plain to see
Why when God so loved the world he didn't send a committee
and that's all they seem to do...

If you're a modern Anglican you'll find you've missed the bus
If your vicar is a Mr, not a Mrs or a Ms
The rules have all been changed so now its so easy
To get onto the PCC as long as you are PC
and that's all you have to do...

Or if you want to worship with a Catholic congregation
You can have bells and smells and - transubstantiation
You'd never think the priest could be a wealthy man
But by registerin' as a charity and not paying the vat - he can
And that's all he had to do...

Oh- did I get it all wrong
'if we follow the same leader we all should get along
Oh - well its a puzzle to me
I cannot help but mention that I found a little tension
Inviting Ian Paisley and the Pope for tea..

I could be a Pentecostal but I'd always have the fear
I could only praise the Lord by swinging from a chandelier
You need reconditioned shoes and reconditioned lungs
To shout out loud 'my souls been healed - and I've got other tongues' (Hallelujah!)
and that's all they seem able to do....


Well the Salvation Army have got it all planned
You can only get to Heaven if you're led by a brass band
They dress you in a uniform, now I know what it's for
Its to prove you're ready to fight in the Boer War (1897 - 1902)
And that's all you have to do...

Went down to the House Church, I went there with my mother
I took a big tarpaulin 'cos a woman needs a cover
Hadn't stayed there long when I found out to my cost
That when the shepherding's too heavy then the sheep all end up squashed
It left me feeling flat (and black and blue)....

Went to a Reformed fellowship where they talk about election
But John Calvin wasn't voting when it came to my selection
If I'd persevered with the saints maybe I'd be there still
But I was predestined to leave of my own free will
And that's all I was able to do...

Oh - its a mystery to me
Can't see the reasons we can't all agree
Got to find someone to discuss it all with
So I went up to Durham, to see the bishop
But I found out he was a myth...

Looking for a way out of this situation
Trying to find the lowest common denomination
Been into every type of church stayed long enough to try it
Think I'll end up as a Quaker - if I can ever keep that quiet (ssh)
and that's all...

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