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Pour Les Petits Animaux

Pour Les Petits Animaux

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Track 10. The Moles' Revenge

Inspired by an obituary in the ‘Hexham Courant’; the Allendale mole catcher had died, and the writer said that the only rejoicing the dale that night would have been that of the moles – an irresistable idea. I was a bit worried when a friend gave a copy of this to the molecatcher’s family, but need not of worried – they said he would have loved it.

For eighty years the mole catcher had walked both moor and fell
A going ‘bout his business, the task he loved so well
He was a sight familiar to all within the dale
It seemed he’d been there forever, so hearty and so hale

And if there in the evening, you did perchance to walk
You’d find him in some country inn and there you’d hear him talk
Of his daily occupation and his time-honoured skills
And he would say how on that day how many moles he’d killed

In the time it took the sun to ride across the heaven
He brought unto the slaughter four hundred and eight seven!
He plucked them up out of the earth and robbed them of their sense
And hung their little velvet bodies upon a barbed-wire fence

But it’s boys, get ready, look unto your souls
In the end each mole catcher must go to meet the moles

For eighty years he walked the earth and took such heavy toll
Beneath his feet the snares he set were waiting for the moles
But one acre he would not walk, for with foreboding grim
He knew that there beneath the ground the moles did wait for him

And molish planes were being planned, and molish schemes were laid
As the old man, full of years and full of fears, dreaded the day
When all his hopes and all his joys at last would come to naught
And by death, who comes to man and mole, the catcher would be caught

And it’s boys, get ready....

The day it came, the mourners laid his coffin in the grave
And wept aloud as he was left to sleep beneath the clay
But somewhere deep beneath their feet was heard a different voice
Of molish celebration, as the victims now rejoiced

And as they turned to walk away, the ground began to shake
They threw themselves upon their faces, fearing an earthquake
And when they rose ands looked again, they saw a dreadful sight
The coffin of the mole catcher, cast up in broad daylight!

And it’s boys, get ready....

And though they tried to bury him a dozen times or more
Each time the moles cast up his coffin, as they had before
In a dozen different places, from the north down to the south
For the news had travelled underground, faster than by man’s mouth

So they laid him in a pit that was ten fathoms deep
Above the grave they laid mighty boulders in a heap
But even then there was no peace that he could rest in here
For a mole would play euphonium right next to his left ear

And it’s boys,. Get ready....

In all you do, and all you say, be sure to be discreet
Remember, moles are listening, just underneath your feet
And if you need another moral from this story so pathetic
If you need a moleskin waistcoat, make sure it is
Synthetic

 

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